One of the things that my sobriety has given me (and I certainly didn’t know it would be one of the gifts I was to receive) was learning how to set healthy boundaries for myself. If you are anything like me, you didn’t know the first thing about healthy relationships prior to coming to A.A.  By God’s grace, I have learned so much about how to show up to the world around me, but most importantly, how to show up to me.

For years, I let people walk all over me because I didn’t want to lose them.  I allowed myself to be mentally, verbally, and sometimes even physically abused because I thought it’s what I had to do to keep them in my life.  What I didn’t understand was, I don’t NEED them in my life. PERIOD!  Recently, someone shared something on Facebook that I needed to see so I could be reminded of what healthy boundaries looks like.  It came at a time where loved ones in my life were having to put up with some very bad behavior from people in their life and the words below were a great reminder for all of us of just how to take back our power instead of giving it away.  I hope that is helps you as much as it helped us.  I don’t know who wrote it or where it came from but I am grateful they wrote it down. God bless!

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“Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory?

I’ll tell you the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships. Even family can mistreat and disrespect you.

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn’t want to lose people. I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you’re being repeatedly disrespected.

Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. They just simply don’t care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. They did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel.

The end.
Let them go.

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go.

Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.

You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.”